Crushed

Well, today has been very educational for me. I found out that I have a mom who loves me unconditionally, and a father who will never change. For 23 years I have been forgiving that man, defending him, and continuing to receive his abuse. He basically acted completely callous and cold, did everything but actually say he didn't care of me or my family. I have known this for many years, but didn't want to accept it.

I didn't want to burn the bridge. I am not some rebellious 16 year old saying I hate my father. I am a grown woman that is tired of being the fool. I call my mom and I hear how much she loves me and my family, how proud of us she is, and more. I call my dad and all I hear is criticism, complaining, and how I didn't do this or that. David and others have tried to tell me many times that they are tired of seeing me get hurt by him. Everyone I know that has met him has all told me that he is a huge Ahole. Everyone. I would shrug it off, or say I was done and not follow through. Giving him chance after chance to change. Even though I somewhat knew it all along, it hit me like a ton of bricks. He doesn't care about us at all.

It's not about the money. David and I will figure something out for the next two weeks. We are unstoppable. I guess I am still in shock. I denied it for so long, wanted to believe that my father was just a little angry or mean sometimes, but I was wrong. I am not the type of person to kick people out of my life, but I don't have it in me anymore. For him to sit there so coldly, unsympathetic, and rude and say the things he did, just breaks my heart for the last time. I could never imagine treating my angels the way that he has treated me and my brothers. I know as a parent that there is no excuse.

I may not have graduated high school or lived up to any of his other expectations, but I am happy and working towards a better future for my family. I strive everyday to do that right thing, but that was NEVER good enough for him. I feel sorry for Justin. I really do. My father doesn't care about him. I talk about how anxious I am for him to come home and all I really wish for him is safety and happiness. All my father talks about is him getting a GED, getting a job, and living up to his expectations. I just wish that I had learned this lesson a long time ago. I wish him peace for the future, and that's that. He treats my kids and me like we are a burden and a nuisance, and I am done. He has crossed the line with my baby boys and me too many times. Time to heal and get on with my journey through life.