An Abomination

I have a Sociology final coming up and one of the questions is pertaining to this disturbing documentary. I watched part one through three of twelve parts. I stopped at the segment where "What a Wonderful World" is playing in the background and dismemberment is being shown. I have seen a couple of Michael Moore's documentaries, but this one tops the cake. He has such a distorted negative view of America that I question his residence here. It takes a complete moron to ask the minuscule questions that he asks. He portrays Americans as this stomach-curdling, violence prone, uneducated group of people. That is simply not true. You can't take a small group of people and say that most of America is the same. Moore makes references to actual events and people, but blows the severity and meanings out of proportion. I do not recommend wasting precious time watching his appalling documentaries. They are obviously meant for entertainment purposes only, and not geared at equality, justice, or truth. I will do my research somewhere else, and explain to my Sociology professor that if he wants his lectures to be centered around an egomaniac with distorted views, then he will have to accept the fact that I will get my answers from other resources.

It has been one eventful week. With Spring registration accomplished, David realized that TVCC no longer has classes that he needs for his degree. We proceeded to talk to an Eastfield counselor. I used to attend Eastfield back in 2005, where I received my German credits. They said that they have the credits he needs, so he should be registering soon to go there. His ultimate goal was University of Texas at Arlington, but I think he is questioning that one. He knows that I will support him either way. I would like to get a job at Terrell State Mental Hospital because they can give me experience and pay for every penny of my education, making it easier to get my Masters in clinical psychology. I plan on taking a year off to work and then go back for my Bachelors and Masters degrees. It gets me so excited just to talk about it.

So, I am officially registered for Spring semester, which should be a breeze. I am taking Government II online, English II, BCIS, and Sociology II. I am getting there. I hope to either test out of some classes or take them online at Eastfield. Eastfield doesn't require you to come to the campus ever for online classes, but at TVCC you are required to take all tests at the college for online classes. Which I think is redundant. If I go the Eastfield route I can knock off a whole semester. I am contemplating changing the Govt II class for statistics. They say it's good to take right after algebra. Either way, we are still trucking and so excited for the future. When I can be a licensed psychologist. :)

Moving Right Along

Everything seems to be going great lately. Justin has settled in just fine and is looking for a job. He has already had one interview. I am ahead in all my classes and enjoying school a lot. I have noticed that having a family of 5 costs some serious money, lol. But once JL gets a job things should get easier. David and I are doing good, and so are Gage and Max. My dad and I are cordial too. I am very blessed to have the family and friends that I do. :)

Sick

Last night I got sick somehow. I had a very difficult time breathing through my mouth, and had pressure on my chest. Struggling to breathe, David took me to the emergency room. I stayed for about 10 minutes and then looked around and noticed that the people there had been waiting for a long time. David also pointed out that an ambulance came in with a critical patient at the same time as I signed in. It is a small hospital, so I knew there would be at least a 2 hour wait. I decided to take my boys home, and hope that I could feel better on my own. I ended up scaring the crap out of David, but eventually with vicks and nyquil, was able to catch my breath. I got some good rest and David even woke me up this morning before he went to work, just to make sure I was ok enough for him to leave. I am back to having a hard time breathing, not as bad though, and lost my voice. I am feeling better though, and my angels are being good, so that is a bonus. This is not the way I planned on spending my vacation. Maybe by Monday I will be back to being super mom. :)

Happy!

I am definitely getting into the holiday spirit already. My big brother is coming home soon, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years! I have been so anxious for JL to come home. I miss him terribly! He is going to have a family to come home to, and it will mean the world to all of us. My family will go from 4 to 5, and that is just fine. I will still be the only girl besides Bayla our Gassy doberman. And that's just fine too.

I am not having my annual Christmas party this year, partly because it didn't turn out as well as I had hoped. But, this year I am having Thanksgiving at my house and I CAN'T WAIT! Yay! I have so much to do to prepare, but that's the best part. I am going to cook a huge incredible meal for everyone and hang out with the family. The one difference will be the absence of my father. That is close to being the best part. No nagging or criticism about my house or food or company. Thank goodness.

Not everyone I want to be there will, but if at least a few people show up for Thanksgiving I will be happy. Next year will hopefully be the year I get to see most of my family at my graduation. That will be one of the best days of my life. Since David changed his degree plan back, I will be the only one graduating next year, then it is off to work. But it works out because he will be in the audience cheering me on with the rest of my family. :D

I love this time of year!

Subfields

It took me a long time to figure out that my passion in life, besides my three boys, is psychology. The only thing to figure out now is a subfield. When I first became a psychology major, I said I didn't want to work with patients or consult workplaces. I started to research what I would need to do to become a neuropsychologist. Basically, I would need to go to a major university, which throws out the option of Pheonix online for my Bachelors and Masters. So that went out the window. I am beginning to warm up to the idea of working with patients, but I have realized I can't fully make up my mind until I start working as a psychiatric technician next year. If I can get some experience in the field, then work at my degree online, I can get a better understanding of what I should choose as my subfield. Between clinical psychology, teaching psychology, being a high school counselor (not going to happen), and many more, there is a lot to choose from. I find it intriguing that I am starting to soften up towards the idea of clinical psychology, when I was so against it just a year ago. Who knew, lol. I know in the end I won't settle for something in front of me, I will strive for a career that I dream about. :)

Labor day was great!

Winding down from a long day with our friend John and my hubby and my baby boys. We went on the lake in John's boat. Got some fishing, swimming, and lounging in. We are all sunburned and exhausted. It was so much fun to let lose and have a good time. We spent all day out on the lake and then went out to dinner. I am the only one who didn't wear sunscreen, lol. Not the smartest, ha ha.

We also spotted some cars for sale that were reasonably priced. I hope they are still there in 2 weeks. they should be. It will be very nice to have a second vehicle. The guys are working on the van some more this week. All I have to do is cook for them, lol. Something I am used to and don't mind doing.

School starts back up tomorrow. I am definitely not looking forward to getting up so early after sleeping in all weekend. At least I only have one night class this week. :)

Crushed

Well, today has been very educational for me. I found out that I have a mom who loves me unconditionally, and a father who will never change. For 23 years I have been forgiving that man, defending him, and continuing to receive his abuse. He basically acted completely callous and cold, did everything but actually say he didn't care of me or my family. I have known this for many years, but didn't want to accept it.

I didn't want to burn the bridge. I am not some rebellious 16 year old saying I hate my father. I am a grown woman that is tired of being the fool. I call my mom and I hear how much she loves me and my family, how proud of us she is, and more. I call my dad and all I hear is criticism, complaining, and how I didn't do this or that. David and others have tried to tell me many times that they are tired of seeing me get hurt by him. Everyone I know that has met him has all told me that he is a huge Ahole. Everyone. I would shrug it off, or say I was done and not follow through. Giving him chance after chance to change. Even though I somewhat knew it all along, it hit me like a ton of bricks. He doesn't care about us at all.

It's not about the money. David and I will figure something out for the next two weeks. We are unstoppable. I guess I am still in shock. I denied it for so long, wanted to believe that my father was just a little angry or mean sometimes, but I was wrong. I am not the type of person to kick people out of my life, but I don't have it in me anymore. For him to sit there so coldly, unsympathetic, and rude and say the things he did, just breaks my heart for the last time. I could never imagine treating my angels the way that he has treated me and my brothers. I know as a parent that there is no excuse.

I may not have graduated high school or lived up to any of his other expectations, but I am happy and working towards a better future for my family. I strive everyday to do that right thing, but that was NEVER good enough for him. I feel sorry for Justin. I really do. My father doesn't care about him. I talk about how anxious I am for him to come home and all I really wish for him is safety and happiness. All my father talks about is him getting a GED, getting a job, and living up to his expectations. I just wish that I had learned this lesson a long time ago. I wish him peace for the future, and that's that. He treats my kids and me like we are a burden and a nuisance, and I am done. He has crossed the line with my baby boys and me too many times. Time to heal and get on with my journey through life.

Getting Myself Worked Up

Ok. So, three more days until Fall semester starts. I have two problems that are driving my anxiety through the roof. A Fall semester means a ton of new students, mostly right out of high school. I don't have the best social skills in the world, not like I did in high school. Partially due to the fact that I have been in this box with just my three boys for close to 6 years. I have been working on my social skills the past year at college, and have made a few friends. That doesn't take away the anxiety of all new people asking me/ judging me about my tattoos, new competition to be first in my class, and dealing with the fact that chances are I won't know anyone in my early morning classes. All my friends in college aren't morning people like myself, so therefore they take afternoon classes.

The other part of my anxiety is the unfortunate schedule I was forced to choose. I don't mind that I had to work around David's schedule. The thing is, my first class is at 8am M-TH, and my last classes don't end until close to 10pm. Ever since Max turned one, I have been used to getting more sleep. With the lack of sleep and increased work load, I have a feeling that it is going to be a huge challenge. The upside to this, is that I am hoping it starts to prepare me for the demands of my career.

Despite all of my anxieties, I am not the overly-emotional wreck I was a few years ago. I have grown, matured, and developed the skills to somewhat manage my emotions. If I can get through what I have already been through, then there is no doubt that I can accomplish this. Because in the end, the only thing that matters is walking across that stage and getting my diploma. :)

Ok, I can relax now. :)

Well, my father-in-law just left an hour ago. I didn't mind him staying here for a couple days, but it is good to have my house back. The boys are finally calming down and getting back on schedule. It's different if Justin lives with us, because I know he helps out with cleaning and cooking without being asked. Plus he is so good with my boys.

Besides scrubbing every inch of my house and catering to my boys' every whim, I have pretty much been enjoying summer break. David is goes tomorrow to try and change his computer class to sociology I with me. Have to figure out how to get a babysitter every Monday night for 2 hours, but I can hope, lol. I still haven't gotten a letter back from my brother, which bothers me and makes me anxious. I called the lady in charge of his parole and she said very very soon he would come home. I talked to him and he said not for a long time, so I don't know. The sooner the better. I would just like some advance notice so I can make arrangements. He is also asking for family addresses if they want to write him, but I have none except grandma Sandy.

Haven't sold the pool yet, probably because of the end of summer. We are selling it for half of what we paid two years ago. Who knows. I have decided that we are having Thanksgiving here and Christmas everywhere else. I get what I want, to cook and have family over; and I don't have to spend hundreds on presents. I just hope someone shows up. It has been such a disappointment the past year at our events. Last year I worked on the Christmas party for months, half of the people didn't show up, and the other half were downright rude! Oh well.

Nothing much else going on. I am patiently waiting for the fall semester to start and preparing any way I know how. Still haven't figured out how to keep the boys completely occupied. They get bored so easily. It will come to me eventually. Time to try not to fall asleep while I watch the Pagemaster with my boys. :)

I knew it would work out!

Just got the news that David is getting a bonus on his next check. That plus what we have saved is more than enough to buy a second vehicle! I am stoked! Plus, we bought a new battery for the van last night and it fixed all of the problems. Our van is reliable now. I knew it would work out eventually. I am so happy! Maybe after this we can save up to buy our boys bunk beds, since they have grown out of their car beds. A washer would be nice too, lol. What a relief!

One week of partial freedom

So, this is my last and only week of summer vacation before classes start back up again. We already took down the pool, cleaned up the backyard, cleaned up the house really good, etc. I got my grades in for Summer II. I made a B in History II and another B in Speech. I know I could have made A's, but I slacked off bad this summer. I blame it on night classes. I cannot stand night classes. I am a morning person, and I like being able to tuck my boys in at bedtime and have dinner with my family. I didn't go to class as often as I should. At least I recognize my lack of effort this past semester, so that I can improve in the Fall. I am very jealous of David. He can hardly study and make straight A's, whereas I have to spend hours studying to barely make an A. Oh well, it's worth the work. I try not to be too competitive with him, lol. I am still very determined with school, I just need to focus more and go to class. :P The recent development of a small social life at school doesn't help matters. I am not much for having social skills, but I have managed to make a friend or two at school. It has its pros and cons.

I am taking 8am classes Monday through Thursday, and late night classes Monday and Tuesday. Not my choice, that's all they offered. David is taking mid-afternoon classes, basically in between my schedule. Both of us have full schedules. Time will definitely be an issue, but workable. I am curious to take Sociology I, and have reservations about math. David and I also have to figure out how to keep two young boys occupied all day while we study. That will be the real challenge. They are still going to need fresh air and playtime and attention. Makes me glad David took down the fence to build a treehouse for free. All of this is a journey, and I wouldn't do it differently if I had the chance. I love my three boys. <3

I knew it was coming

So, our van died today. Have to get a new battery and hope that it works. I knew it was going to happen eventually, but it still sucks. Sometimes I get so frustrated with everything breaking. One of our tvs broke (not a priority), and our washer has been broken for almost a year now it seems like. Just have to hope nothing else breaks. It wouldn't have been such a tough year if we hadn't chosen the most expensive medical insurance and then realized it doesn't even cover everything. We can change our insurance in a couple months, which saves $100 a week, plus we are shutting off satelite which is another 76 bucks a month. That's a start.

I found a car in Terrell for sale. $1950.00. Nice little sunfire, assuming it doesn't have any problems we will buy it when we can save up for it. Being an adult isn't easy or fun, but I made my choices and I will stick with it. Without David I don't know what I would do. Just a little frustrated today, but it always works out somehow. I now have a greater respect for my parents and what they struggled with for a long time. It's not that easy raising a family, but it is definitely rewarding. Next year is looking very optimistic, with me graduating and getting a job, and David making more money. It's just not next year yet, lol.

Well, as I always say...just have to get through the hard times to get to the good times. :)

Fall is approaching!

Fall is approaching and David and I are getting ready. We went to school early this morning to get ahead of the mile long line to pick up books for Fall. We also sold our massive collection of college textbooks and made a killing. We have both figured out that since we know the impending stress of Fall semester, both taking full schedules, that would have to prepare for Winter early. Taking down the pool early, overhaul cleaning on the house inside and out, etc. Anything to make our lives a little easier. It was a major disappointment to find out that we make too much to put our boys in Terrell Preschools, but we just have to work around it. We are still trying to figure out how to get a second vehicle before our van calls it quits on us. We will figure out, we always do.

Life has been hectic lately, and we know it is going to get more challenging, but I think we are ready. David and I have been through everything together and are stronger for it. As I always say, it is worth it in the end. I have quit a lot of things in my life, but school and family aren't going to be one of them. I am also looking forward to Justin moving in. David and I are used to him living with us, and he is an incredible uncle. He has spent loads of time in their life and we all miss him. Other than all that, not much else is happening. We have two weeks before classes start and I take my finals tonight for summer classes. I will be a sophomore starting tomorrow. David and I are trying to salvage the rest of summer while preparing for Fall. I love it. :)

First entry

Never tried this blog craze, but here it goes. I am at the end of Summer II in school. I get a 2 week break before Fall semester starts. It is going to be crazy once that happens. I have never handled stress very well, so we shall see if I can hold up. Should be fine. David (my husband) is going to take a full schedule like me, so depending on him won't be an option. Anything to walk across that stage. I will definitely be looking forward to getting my Masters in psychology online. I do not want to go to a University and have to make time for class and a job.

Everything has been going great, despite being busy. Gage and Max (our boys), have been patient with us so far, as far as school goes. They love their new treehouse. It's almost nicer than our house, lol. I am looking forward to getting them bunk beds next month. I loved having bunk beds when I was a kid, so I know they will. Gage has outgrown his car bed, so it's time.

Not too much besides school going on around here. I am patiently waiting for my older brother to move in with us. That will be wonderful. My father couldn't handle taking him in because "It would put too much strain on his marriage". BS. Oh well. I just hope that he keeps his end of the deal and buys him a car, so that he can get a job and get back on track in life. Well, that's about it. :)